Why does my Personal Development work?

I wrote and article on this blog last week about putting bad seed into your head.  It was liked by a lot of people so I guess it had content that you assocaited with.

The main concept was about looking at what goes into your brain.  If you are reading lots of personal development books and then also putting bad things in your head then you are not going to get the benefit of those books.

I wanted to do a video to be more specific about it.  So here it is!  This video is called “My Personal Development Won’t work”

What? me a grumpy old man?

Ok, I am 33 years of age.  Am I a grumpy old man?  I can’t be can I?

(Internal chat “I think you are you know.  Actually I sort of know you are.  Here you are sat on a Friday evening, with a glass of wine, getting worried about the teenager who has been left home alone by his mother)

Err, when did this happen?  It hasn’t right?

Let me put you in the picture.  It is Friday night.  My wife is on the phone to a friend and I am sat here on the computer watching the tennis on the TV.  Well listening to it and then looking around from time to time.

My neighbour has gone away and has left her 16 old son to be on his own in the house.  Problem?  Well no I guess you could say.

But there is some background to this.

He has had some parties that I have had to go and sort out.  Don’t get me wrong, nothing that bad happened.  Maybe lots of noise, kids being crazy, throwing eggs at the neighbours, using swear words like they were the only things in the english language but nothing that needed the Police.  But if I am completely honest it annoyed me all the same.

I have read personal development books till the cows come home.  I have listened to hours of personal development, spiritual, NLP, self help, mediation and personal growth MP3′s that I bet Anthony Robbins would be proud!

But and here is the but……it still annoys me that this kid might have some friends around and make my Friday evening not so nice.

Let me be clear.  He is a really good kid!  Sure like any teenager he is a little rough around the edges but he is a good kid and we get on really well.  I am also friends with his mum.

Ok, so what I can’t work out is why does it annoy me so much?  I mean I was much worse at his age.  Actually this is more about me.

My wife doesn’t even think about it.  But I was worried all day yesterday that I would have to go and sort out the problem that was going to happen.  That is just silly.  I mean why worry about something like that?  It hasn’t even taken place.

And I think that is the key here.  Even though I have read all this personal development stuff, practised it, applied it I still have moments when my brain forgets all that and the conditioning takes control.

What conditioning?  The social conditioning that underlines all of us.  It’s the thing we go back to when under pressure, stressed or unhappy.  It is the true self.  And this annoys me more than anything.

Now I am annoyed that I am annoyed.

I don’t want my true self to me like that.  I want it to be calm, cool.  I want to be able to rely on a cool me that can manage any of this.

But clearly I am not there yet.

But I shouldn’t be annoyed.  That won’t help.  What I need to do is work on the things that I know help me become more like I want to be.

meditation, fitness, reading, learning, gratitude

These are the things that bring closer to the man I want to be.  I don’t want to be a grumpy old man at 33!

If you are finding some stress in your life (perhaps you are becoming a grumpy old man or woman?) then you might need to do what I need to do.  That is, do more of the things that you know will bring you to the centre of you.

The more you do this the more you will feel relaxed with yourself and easy going.  Those of have nothing to prove…..have nothing to prove!  And that is how I want to be.

It doesn’t mean being so laid back you get nothing done in life.  Actually I am far from that!  But it means that you can sit outside and watch birds and be fascinated by them.  Or you are completely at ease when you meet new people in business.  Even if the person is the “big guy” in the industry and earns a lot of money.  He or she is just human.  So why treat them any other way?

So this is my promise to you and myself that I will try not to be such a grumpy old man.  I will ask my wife to write a comment on this and see what she says!

Go for your goals and dreams.

M

Get the why

When I started learning about Personal Development I wanted to know more about the “how”  How to make money, how to be a good talker, how to help people etc.  Then I learnt how doesn’t matter!

Get your why

Are your friends holding you back video

I don’t know how you will take this….but part of your personal development plan will be part of this…

I won’t let c**p get in the way of my success anymore….well I will try not to

You know what I mean right?

It’s so annoying, actually it’s much more that just a little annoying.  It’s drives me mad.

Here you are trying to do something great with your life and crap comes your way.  It comes in every form you can think of.  Crap from your family, crap from your friends, crap from work, from the company that provides your mobile phone, your car payment company, your mortgage company……that stupid driver who made you mad this morning.  The list is endless!

Why can’t it just be an easy ride to success? I mean it seems the more I try and succeed the more things get in the way.

Well I won’t let crap get in the way anyway.  I have had enough of this and I have made a decision not to be diverted.  Do you feel like that?

Have you “hit your wall in life yet?”  It’s your fork in the road where you say “Enough!”.

This is where I find myself today.  The funny thing is I have had these moments many times and I always feel the same.

Now before you think I have gone mad (well I am a bit) then I guess I need to talk about what the crap actually is.  Before I started reading Personal Development Books and getting into the whole Personal Development thing I thought that everyone else was to blame for any crap that came my way.

I was wrong!

Almost any book you read that talks about changing your life or being successful talks about taking the responsibility of things for yourself.  The “Crap” isn’t anyone else’s fault.  Now I know some might say that “Well how can I be responsible for something someone else does to me”.  The answer?  You can’t.

You can’t be responsible for what others do to you.  For their “crap”.  But you can be responsible for how you respond.  That is your decision, not anyone else’s.

This is what you have control of.  And that control is the key to changing everything.  Crap will always come, that is part of life.  So you can either suffer or make say “It’s up to me how I respond to this”.

I know when I made that turn around in my life then things changed.  I no longer blamed people for the things they did.  I wasn’t looking for blame I was looking for how I should respond to it.  My energy went into “How can I make this a good thing” rather than “Oh I can’t believe they have done that to me”.

Now granted, that is not easy when you have just had a bill from the utility company or the mortgage company took your payment early when you didn’t have the money etc.  But over time you learn think differently about your reaction.

The hardest crap to deal with is that of friends and family.  Often it can seem like they are purposely trying to annoy you.  Often this isn’t true but even if it is so what?  It is your decision about how you react.  I am sure if you asked them if you have done something that annoyed them they would say yes.  But you probably didn’t realise you had done it.

If you did and wanted them to be annoyed then….well grow up (I am saying this to myself also!)

We live in a world where people blame others for the challenges in their life.  This is often how war starts.  People blame others, countries blame countries.

So if you are at the fork in the road and want to change your life start by seeing you have a choice in how you react.  Don’t let other people annoy you, you can choose the reaction.

This is not something you will learn overnight.  It will take time and it is a constant thought process.  Even now after years of doing this I have to remember my own words about making a decision on what others say.  It’s not easy to start with but it is such an amazing feeling when you learn to do it.

You gain freedom from other people’s crap and start to see that you can make a difference in your life without blaming.

The title of this post is “I won’t let crap get in the way of my success anymore”.  And it’s true I will not let it.  Crap will come so long as I try and achieve things in life and it will come to you too.  When it does just say “How am I going to look at this?”

You are in control of your thinking and what happens in your life.

Why reading a Personal Development Book Everyday can change your life

Personal Development is like taking a shower a day….

In 2004 I didn’t really read books.  I read at school but once I left then I didn’t really think about it.

OK, I may have read a Raymond Feist Book once or twice like the Magician but I didn’t read to learn, only for enjoyment when I felt like it.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to read.  In fact I had to read a lot for work.  I was consulting in the software industry and much of my time was spent either creating contracts or reading them.  Not much fun really.

I just didn’t see the point in reading.

Then something changed.  If you have read my story then you know I was in a pretty bad place when a friend helped me.  I was nearly bankrupt, about to lose my house, drinking heavily and did not have good relationships.  I was sad and unhappy.  After a good career in the software business I went into my own business and lost almost all my money, and some I didn’t have.

If you have ever been in the same place you know how it feels.  It make you feel ill.  That’s the best way I can put it.  Not only do you have no money but you still have to pretend that everything is fine to those who said you could never do it in the first place.  There is nothing worse than that person in town saying “So how is your business” and me saying with a smile “Oh fine”.

But really I just want to go home cry. Seriously cry.  Cry my eyes out.

It was at this point I was ready to learn something new, a new way of thinking.  Luckily for me someone was about to give me that new way.  He was a successful guy and knew that I needed something to make a change.

So what did he give me?

Well some personal development books.  Nothing “too deep” to start with.  You see he was smart, and he could see that I was the type of guy that would say “Oh I don’t need those self help books, they are all just crap anyway”.  So he gave me Robert Kiyosaki Rich Dad Poor Dad.

This is more business then “self help” and it was exactly what I needed.  Yes the book is excellent and it changed the way I see business but more than anything it got me in the mode of reading to learn.

That’s exactly what my friend wanted it to do!  Over the next few weeks he started to give me books that were more about looking at me rather than business.  Books like How to Win Friends and Influence People, The Magic Of Thinking Big, Positive Personality Profiles.  And it worked.  I started to change.  I started to see that many of my problems were just challenges and that I was causing them!

I also learnt that I wasn’t quite the amazing business man I thought I was (at 25!).

Then something great happened.  I started to find books to read, I couldn’t read enough!  In fact I think I can honestly say that for 2 years I must have read everyday for at least 10 minutes.  There might have been the odd day but however I felt I read.  It didn’t matter what time of day it was, before I slept I read.

This completely change me as a person and everything else changed with it.  My relationships got better, I met some great new people, I slowly got out of debt, I felt good about myself and I actually stopped drinking for 2 years.  I do drink now but back then I was alcoholic.

You see it’s not about NEEDING help from these self help or personal development books it’s just about realising that there might be information out there that I don’t know.  It’s being honest and realising we don’t always know everything!

About 2 years into reading these books I met an old school friend in town.  Obviously I was very excited about how these books had changed my life and I was very open about mentioning this to EVERYONE I met!

Oh well, boy did he have a different view!

He started off into this great big speech about how all Self help and Personal Development books are just brain washing and how they are just a load of crap.  I was really surprised at his reaction.  There I was just saying how much I have enjoyed them and here is was saying that I have been brainwashed!

Well, to be frank with you, I am fairly communicative myself when I feel like I should be and argued back that they are just there to help and you can take what works for you etc.  Not very Personally Developed!

Do you think he felt the same after our “conversation” or had I sold the idea of reading these to him?

Yes guessed right.  He went away thinking I was stupid and that those books were worse than ever.

By the way if you want to know what I thought about the brainwashing argument look at this post Personal Development Books are just brainwashing.

This wasn’t the only time I had someone tell me something just as negative.  It got me wondering why.  After thinking about this and talking to to others I came to the conclusion there it could be many things.  Mainly probably due to fear but also lack of understanding about what these books really are.

All they are is how to books, or information books.  Much like you get when you buy a new car or DVD player.  Really the are nothing more than that.  But they key is they are about changing your life not how to set up the DVD.

Have you ever read a text book on a subject?  Maybe for business or work?  Then that is exactly the same.

These books give you more ideas and knowledge about particular subjects only most of them are about people.

A new process

As I said, after about two years of reading every day I felt I had changed almost completely.  I was still me, just a better more happy me.  In fact many people commented about how different I was and for the first time in my life complete strangers would comment on how nice I was.  Isn’t that good!

Well I got a little complacent and stopped reading every day.  You can guess what I am going to say?

Things changed back a bit.  Not completely to where I was but I noticed myself slipping back into some of the old ways.  People would annoy me more, I wouldn’t be as “In the Present” as I would have like to.  Nothing like before but I knew I needed to reading again.

Is that a crutch?

No way, not at all.  It’s like taking a shower.  If you didn’t do it every day you would start to smell.  It’s the same with reading.  If you do a little a day your mind is always thinking about it.

We all have busy lives so we need the reminders that these books give.

That’s why reading everyday can change your life.  Just think if you could read 10 pages a day how many books you would read in a couple of months?

I know people who read a book a week and they are some of the most successful people I know.  I heard a very successful speaker once say: -

“Books give you knowledge, knowledge gives you confidence, confidence creates action, and actions creates results”

I know this is true as I have felt this myself.  I dare you to pick up a book and read everyday for 1 month and see how that changes your life.

Matt

The lost generation

This has not much to do with Personal Development but it has a great message.

Personal Development is just Brain Washing

“Yeah, I know all about that Personal Development rubbish, it’s all just brainwashing anyway!”

Ever heard someone say this?  Perhaps to you?

Great!  You know why I think that is great?  Because I 100% agree with them!  Personal Development is just brainwashing!

Yep you heard me right.  I am saying it now, Personal Development is just brainwashing.  Ok, don’t worry I have not gone mad!

Let me be clear here, I DON”T agree that Personal Development is rubbish but I do agree it is brainwashing.  That’s exactly what is it.  It clears your brain of all the crap you have been putting into it.  All the negative, all the thoughts that keep you from achieving your goals, all the times someone has told you, you are a loser.  Every “No” you have had as a salesperson, every bad conversation that went the wrong way and upset you and the other person.

Personal Development (Self Help, Self Development) cleans it out.

Most of the people who tell you Personal Development is brainwashing don’t realise what they are saying. What many don’t know is that we are brainwashed all the time!  Just that type of brainwashing isn’t by choice.  Newspapers, TV, people, the internet etc all brainwash us all day long.

I was going to a meeting the other day and while waiting in the foyer I noticed there was big LCD screen above the receptionist.  The sound was on and I could hear it very clearly.  Do you know what they were playing on it?  The news.  It was on a news channel!

No I don’t know about you buy have you seen how those work?  All they do is have the same news on all day long.  I wondered how that receptionist felt at the end of the day.  That negative content would be going into her brain subconsciously without her even wanting it to.

As we do the activities we do on a daily basis we are constantly being given brainwashing messages.  On the radio in the car, road advertising, the newspaper you read all have messages in them.

Have you noticed how cars have the name of the brand stuck on them?  Why is that?  It’s so we know what it is so we can go and buy it!  They don’t do it to make the car look good.  Normally the badge looks odd, not really in keeping with the car.

Even seeing people in different clothes can give us messages about what we might want to buy.

Don’t be fooled by the negative

So many people I have met think that the entire Personal Development industry is a rip off.  They say that people who write self help books are just looking to make a profit.  Again I would agree with that.  They are looking to make a profit, like any good business person but large share of them are also looking to help people.

Sure, if they write a good book and it sells they will make a lot of money.  Just ask Jack Canfield.

But so what?  If a book helps me then I am very happy to buy it.  The same would go for a text book on any subject.

If you find yourself in conversation with someone about this who believes that Personal Development is a big con then I suggest you walk away.  They are not really interested to hear what you have to say and just want to tell you what they “know”.  If you really do have talk to them just ask them this: -

“Have you ever read a book (Listened to CD etc) that has shown you how to do something?  Maybe a text book at school?”  They may not be honest and say no.  But you know as well as they do that they have read a book that has helped them.  That then is a Personal Development book.

As I said I wouldn’t bother even doing this but if you have to then it can help.

Remember, this is your life and you can read what you like!

Matt – Personal Development Fan

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