What can we receive from real forgiveness?

This is a personal topic for me.

Recently I have had to forgive myself and other people.  When I say forgive I don’t mean that I had to let them off the hook for anything.  What I mean is that I had to work out in my own thoughts why I was not angry or frustrated with them anymore.  I had to honestly forgive them.  I hope this makes sense?

Why I say that “I had to work out” I mean that I had to think about why they had frustrated me in the first place.  Why did their actions annoy me?  Once I realised this I could forgive them.  I won’t go into what they did or what has been occurring because that is personal but I will say that if I did list it out you might be surprised.  Surprised that I am giving them forgiveness.

But, here is the truth to all of what I am saying.

I am being selfish in a way.  The forgiveness is really for me and not them.  If I can trully forgive them then I won’t feel any negative feelings.  It’s a self protection mechanism rather than just “doing what I know is correct”.

If I was as personally developed as I would like then I wouldn’t have felt negatively about the situation in the first place, but, I am human and I live so those feelings came to me.  I try and be in the “present” as much as possible but we can’t always be perfect! (and to do this is actually a mistake).

So why did I mention that I am being selfish?

Well, true forgiveness brings us closer to our true self.  It’s another step towards reality, to consciousness.  To the one.

There is an amazing book called I’m Ok You’re OK.  If you have not read this book then I really do recommend that you read it.  It’s probably one of the best books I have read and is in my top personal development books.  This book is amazing because it shows you how we react to certain people in situations.  We are in either Parent, Adult or Child mode and this affects our relationships.  I won’t go into this now but it’s a very powerful thought process to understand.

This isn’t a magic potion to cure all the challenges you have but it helps to understand why you might feel angry or upset about a person or something they have done.

When you realise that forgiving is about understanding then you really get the feeling of forgiveness.  I know that sentence is convoluted but it’s really the way it is.

Once you understand why you are angry or upset then you can start to forgive in a way you have never felt before.  As I said before this isn’t about forgiving the person for what they have done but realising why they did it and forgiving yourself for feeling the way you do.

You can feel anyway you want to other people’s actions but it’s only you who has that control.  They don’t.  You control your feelings and should always be aware of this.  It’s about personal responsibility.  No one can make you annoyed, you can only let yourself feel that way.  I know some will be reading this and saying “No, when someone says this to me then it’s going to annoy me”  Well again, I would say that’s your feeling.  It’s how you react to what they say.  You could choose not to get upset.

We are always in control.  It’s our choice and we have all the cards about how we want to deal with people.

That is why REAL forgiveness allows us to release ourselves and others from any judgement.  When we get to this stage then forgiveness provides an amazing world that gives us huge fulfilment.

Not so sure?

Well it’s a leap you are going to have to make if you want to grow.  I know if you still reading then you want to make that leap.  You can, it’s within your reach you just need to believe you can.  It can be very hard to believe you can forgive the person for what they have done but when you look at it in the other way then you can.  You are not forgiving the person but the feeling about it.

Some people I know would say this is all hocus pocus rubbish.  Spiritual dross that works only in the “personal development world”.

Well I agree.  That is probably due to the fact that in the personal development world people work hard on their mindset ability.  They are looking to improve themselves so go for things like “belief”.  It’s a state of mind and that’s exactly the reason you can take a hold of your feelings.

The more you learn to hoestly forgive the more you don’t get annoyed in the first place.  It’s alomst like you are watching yourself in a situation and you say: –

“Hmm, they are annoying me now.  That’s interesting, why I am being annoyed by them?  Perhaps I should think about that rather than what they are saying!”

I know that may seem a little odd at first but it’s incredibly powerful when you start to “watch” yourself.  You become more in the present and realise what is going on in your life.  This is also called “awareness” being aware of yourself.

If you have some challenges with people right now and you just can’t seem to find the words or thoughts or even willingness to forgive someone then perhaps you can try to forgive yourself first for the feelings you have.  See that you are not just forgiving the person but also why you were annoyed.  It’s your decision about how you react to what they do and say and make any choice about this you like.

Anger only eats away at you and makes you more unhappy.  As Yoda said “Anger leads to the dark side it will” (or something like that!).

When anger is with you try and see why.  Try to understand why you are angered and then decide what you want to feel.

This is not something that will happen straight away, it takes time and practice but you can achieve it faster than you may believe.

To your health, success and happiness.

Matt